A little over an hour ago it was still Halloween, and all day i kept thinking about my Uncle Ray.
It will be a year soon, and what a year it has been. I regained so many beliefs that I thought I had lost, I finally got to see two bands live that I had missed so many times before, I moved out of my parents house, started going to college at a real university, and made friends in the city. I traveled to Vermont/Canada! (christina<3), become a mommy to a new kitten, and saw the Phillies become world champions. He wasn't there for any of those things, in the physical sense anyway, and I guess I still can not believe it.
I am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason, and I know he was meant to be my uncle. He was meant to be the way he was, so I would know better. He was meant to leave us all when he did, so we would have an angel and know what it's like to really have to say goodbye.
To this day, I feel so bad for my mom. Loosing him was not easy, and a year later, it still isn't easy. I wish I could have taken that pain away from her, but I had my own pain to deal with. The pains of guilt, the pains of regret... all of which I still struggle with.
I know now how important it is to cherish the people in your life, even if they have done you wrong. I will always forgive, but in my own time. I miss him more than I thought I would, and more than others thought I would I'm sure. But I'll always have the ocean. There is no grave stone to visit and shed tears on... we have the jersey shore. I'll forever think of him as my toes hit the water and know he's apart of the ocean, as he always wished he'd be.
