Goodbye 2008.

This time tomorrow, it will be 2009.
2009.
Wow, where does the time go?
I feel like twenty years went by so quickly, hopefully my life will slow down a little bit so I can enjoy it a lot more.
I am ready for 2009, a new year, a new chance. But I will miss 2008, so many things happened. I'm changed forever.


January 22- You do not have to be old to die. Sometimes you can be a person that everyone knows you name, but few know who you really are. A few mishaps can take you away from your daughter, and leave the world thinking of all the greatness you would have accomplished if given a chance. We will never know, but we will always remember.

April 4- This year i woke up on this day and realized, without you I am nothing. You have never hurt me, you will never hurt me. Thank you for being the best friend a girl would ever ask for. Thank you for showing me what potential I have. I can only pray that I am half the mother you are in my future.

May 28- The first birthday you were not around for. Did God have a birthday cake waiting? Did you see my heart breaking? I missed you everyday of this year, but your birthday hurt a little more than the year before. I hope you keep my safe, I'm depending on you.

July 27- You were the only Schmidt, next to my father, who I ever loved. I never really learned German the way you always wished I would have, but that did not mean you never spoke it. Ich liebe dich. Your table sits in my new house in the dining room, your china sits in a box at my parent's waiting for the day I get married so it can be sharing with the world on holidays, and your blood is in my veins helping the heart you helped to shape. I will miss you, my dad will miss you, my mom will really miss you. Thank you for always being different, and for loving us wit our flaws. Ich liebe dich.

August 1- I am twenty today, and I'm on my own. A new house, a new city, a new start. I will never be the same. I know how it feels to grow up.

October 28- The new kitty was sick, and did not stay much longer than a week. But everything happens for a reason and in comes baby Tay. The first living, breathing, being to be dependent on me. My heart is now walking around on four legs with tan fur and gold eyes.

November- the entire month. Happy birthday Daddy, goodbye Otis, and welcome TSST PA. November brought the most incredible people into my life. And for once, I feel like I am the creator of something great. LOVELOVELOVE.



I know who I am. I know what I believe in. I know what I want out of life.
All because of 2008.

Hello Beautiful,

thank you.

I have a feeling that this Christmas will be better than the others. Only a few have ever stuck out in my memory.

1. The year my grand-mom bought me Missy, because I asked Santa for a little white dog of my own. I never thought I could have loved an animal so much, but she was mine. She was the first thing that I ever considered to be mine. Thinking about her now, still makes me sad.
2. My dad promised me a purple bike, the same year he told me Santa was not real. He tricked me on Christmas eve and told me he did not buy it, I was so angry at him I told him I hated him. When I woke up on Christmas morning, I opened all my presents, and then he told me to get a sweatshirt for him out of the laundry room. There was a purple bike there instead. I never screamed so loud in my life. I still have that bike, it just has a little more rust on it now-a-days.
3. The first Christmas without Ray. My grand-mom made everyone say hello to his ashes sitting in the corner of the room before we opened our gifts. It is morbid, and very scary... but people deal with things in their own ways. It was the first time when I felt like a piece was really missing, now I'm just reminded this year.

Hopefully this Christmas will be memory #4.
It is baby Tay's first Christmas, so I'm excited to see how he reacts to paper and ribbons flying all over the place.

Now I'm off to watch 'A Christmas Story' for the third time tonight. <3

I am the second man.

I really like this song. The very first time I heard it... my boys were doing a cover of the song, so I wanted to hear the original version. Little did I know that the song had been around for yearsssss and I was missing out of it's greatness for so long.
I like songs that are about religion without being like 'I LOVE GOD', 'JESUS IS MY SAVIOR', 'GOD GOD GOD GOD IS AMAZING'
Sometimes the slight hint of religion instead of engulfing the song in religion... is the better choice.

Enjoy <3

Make Believe

Jeremy Larson.


Obviously, I am on a music kick. I believe it is because I have been listening to so much new stuff, and going back to some very old stuff... and just admiring it all.

It's a great way to spend a bitter cold, rainy day.

Rabbit

And the Grammy (hopefully) goes to...

Everything I want, is mile away. In a snow covered little town.

If I had a truck load of cash, perhaps I could by happiness... or buy other people's happiness. It is always a nice thing to think about, what would you get, what would you give. Here's mine, Merry early Christmas.

For me:
A nice red v-dub GTI, or a black hybrid (Pruis or Explorer)
An apartment or house, in New York, preferbably in Soho or Boerum Hill.
A trip to Perth, AU.
A chance meeting with three brothers from Jersey, or the blonde singer who grew up on a Christmas tree farm.
A puppy for baby Tay to play with.
A trip to Nashville or Los Angeles or any place in the U.S. that will give me great stories involving the people I would have met.
A check to pay off all, and I mean ALL, my college loans.

For others:
A check to hand to Katie's parents so they would never have to worry about money ever again.
A dependable car for Mary.
A house for Tracy, a nice house, big enough for five people.
I'd pay for Jonathan to go to college, where ever he wants.. for as long as he needs to be there.
Give my dad a meeting with Ben, or Kevin Bacon, or Sam Hagar... someone who has put a smile on his face for more than five seconds.
Help Matthew get out of his Mom's house, and be okay with himself because he's wonderful.


I'll ask Santa for a lottery win.

Take a deep breath girl.

Finals are this week and I could not be more excited for the holiday come. Christmas is my favorite, not for the gifts honestly, but because it's a great time to be with my family. Now, if it would only snow, that would be the cherry on top. Highly unlikely seeing the last time we got a large snow storm was in the 90's, and wow that was a long time ago.
I like that at christmas my dad gets so excited when I open the gifts he bought all by himself, and usually it is Steelers stuff.. but that's okay because I love my Ben. I like that my cousin Tracy tells me how fat I am and that the new year should bring a new diet... she's kidding by the way. I like that my pop smiles, genuinely smiles, on Christmas morning. He never smiles anymore. I like that I can go to church and see everyone I haven't seen in ages, and not pay attention to the mass at all because we are too busy catching up on all the things we did and should have done this year.
This is the second Christmas without Ray, the first without Otis, the first without Tommy, and the first Christmas with me living in another house. This one is different, but I hope it will feel the same.




<3

"I live my life in spite of the attention."

<3