"What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you say you love, that's what matters."

Today was the first time in a very long time, probably since last November, that I have been this upset. I feel like I do not ask for much from the people I call my friends. I don't have many problems because I do not have many things in my life that cause drama. I do not have a boyfriend, I do not have stress when it comes to school, no family trouble anymore, and I do not spend my time with people that, I feel, bring me down. So when I need a friend to turn to, I expect to have that person attempt to be there... however this did not happen. I have been feeling like all the help I have put out, has been nothing but a one sided friendship lately.. and I'm very hurt by this. I ask one thing, a tiny thing at that, and I stand alone. I stand alone, literately in a crowd of people, no one to enjoy this with.
I want it known, regardless how much people hate them, I enjoy every ounce of effort they put in to what they do. I respect them, and I find them beyond very talented... do not argue with me on these topics. So the fact that I could not enjoy myself whole heartedly due to another's actions left me in tears. Tears that haven't gone away since I came home. Tears that are still creeping up on me at this very minute.
I feel cheated.

Party.

City of brotherly love, place I call home. Don't turn your back on me, I don't want to be alone.

Moving was the best decision I have ever made. I feel freer and I like the fact that this place is mine, and I have my own space to retreat to when the time calls for it. I chose a great city, a great house, and great people to spend this time with, and I couldn't be happier with the way the next few months are going to work out.

Not a moment too soon.

"You're in my blood. I can't help it, we can't be anywhere except together."

"All My Friends"- Amos Lee

All my friends,
all live in pain.
Longing for the warmth of chilhood,
to bring them home again.
All my friends,
got broken hearts.
And if the world's at stage,
we're searching for our parts.

We'll face the winds,
and break the strongest of trees.
And beckon for the sweet, soft, summer breeze.

All my friends,
got broken wings.
never will you hear them asking why,
the cage bird sings.
All my friends,
they know how to live.
oh so much sorrow,
so much love to give.

We'll face the winds,
and break the strongest of trees. Beckon for the sweet, soft, summer breeze.

We all know that storm is coming.
Everybody want to know which way to go.
i see the crowds running,
the winds gonna blow.

All my friends,
are dear to me.
Oh when the storm comes,
they're as close as family.
All the friends,
are the ones i chose.
If i hear them knocking,
you know i can't refuse.

We'll face the winds,
and break the strongest of trees.
And beckon for the sweet, soft, summer breeze.
All my friends.

I'm in a New York state of mind.

I just got back from good ol' New York, NY this morning, and I miss it already! There is something about that city that overwhelms me, in the best ways a person can be overwhelmed, and it makes me feel whole. I plan on calling it home one day, and I figure by doing this, I can feel whole all of the time. I sleep better there, and all around live better there. However, the visit to Soho was not my favorite part of the trip, more for reasons I should not disclose, but I felt like a wave of anxiety was following me throughout that part of the city just waiting for me to pass that block that I really wanted to stay away from. Kira had to go, and we had to get a picture, I'm going to hate this picture forever I bet. The smile is completely fake, I have no problem admitting that.

Why is it that people you never meet have a way of making you feel for them, well actually, feel bad for them? I feel bad for him.